Shirt, shoes, and consideration for others required

I lack the skill entirely to write the post I want to write. In which I say that men need to wear underwear while at the gym. In my dream writing-world I’m graceful, and couth, and I don’t have to use words like PENIS and PLEASE STOP JOGGING in the same sentence. But in this world, the one in which people read my blog and then I might actually have to see them face to face, well I’d like to embarrass myself as little as possible, but I’m willing to risk a little embarrassment for the betterment of society.

THAT SAID. . .I wouldn’t consider myself a sheltered person. And maybe it’s more befitting of a lady to pretend to be so but come on, I went to public school, I have older siblings, and now I talk to students about sex, so this is not coming from some FEAR OF THE HOSE MONSTER. I get it, male anatomy is nothing a little duct tape can’t fix DIFFERENT, whatevs. And going commando is your own business, most of the time. But when you’re in public, and you’re wearing loose silky shorts, and you’re doin’ things that are makin’ it appear that you’ve got a wild animal in your trunks tryin’ to break free, we’ve all got a problem.  Because wild animals are distracting. And some times wild animals are rabid and need to be euthanized, and when push comes to shove you don’t always have to time to determine if said animal has rabies, you just have to make a decision and PROTECT THE CHILDREN! So Dude Who Loves a Nice Draft, the next time you vigorously lift weights next to my head, know that I’m fairly confident I could kill a wild animal with my 8 pound dumbbell. And no one is going to fault me if I say I was trying to protect the children.

3 thoughts on “Shirt, shoes, and consideration for others required

  1. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOUR BEST POST YET. OH MY GOODNESS. HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA. I literally fell on the floor laughing. Not even exaggerating (well, I mean, I was kneeling on the floor to begin with, but I tipped over from the hilarity of it all).

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