Is somethin’ wrong with your underpants?

Did someone on Facebook say something you don’t like? 
You should probably get your panties in a wad about it.
And then, you should passive aggressively comment on said topic in order to let the entire Facebook community know that your panties are in fact, in a wad.
The passive aggression is necessary otherwise people might confuse you with someone who is mature enough to NOT GET THEIR PANTIES IN A WAD OVER FACEBOOK CRAP.
I have a friend who is a teacher in a third grade classroom and one of the tools she uses to help the students assess their problems is to ask them “is this a big deal or a little deal?”.
My favorite part of this helpful tool is how belittling it sounds when used among adults. Because after you wave your wadded up panties around Facebook like a freak flag, I want to sit you in a tiny chair, look down at you and ask “now, is this a big deal, or is this a little deal?”. And if you really want to say “big deal” (I know you do) I want to remind you that sometimes people say things on Facebook just to be controversial (i.e. get attention) and when you respond to said controversial topics in a manner exactly as they’d hoped, you are only feeding the insanity that is High School Didn’t End When You Graduated. In Fact, It Only Ends When You Stop Acting Like You’re in High School. So yes, I know someone offended your religious beliefs or said something political about the party they support, but let’s be real- you aren’t going to stop abortion and change each state’s stance on marriage VIA FACEBOOK COMMENT THREAD. Even if it is 36 comments long. (Side note: everyone in that thread who isn’t arguing with you, hates you.)
In unrelated news, there is this really cool feature on Facebook that enables you to hide people’s posts. In other words if there are people who tend to repeatedly post OBNOXIOUS SHIT that makes you want to revert to the third grade version of yourself you can HIDE THEIR OBNOXIOUS SHIT. Also, there is this cool feature when you become an adult that enables you to shut your mouth and stop arguing on Facebook. It’s that button at the top of your screen called Please Stop Taking Everything So Seriously.

6 thoughts on “Is somethin’ wrong with your underpants?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s