I know things

When I first started this blog I would keep little notes on my phone of topics I wanted to write about. I pretty much forgot about those notes (turns out having too many posts drafted actually creates anxiety) but I recently rediscovered them and found one titled “Things Men Need to Know About Women”.

I opened it, and it was completely blank. Which I found hilarious.  I just imagine myself coming up with the post title and thinking ha! Where do I start?! Then the next second getting a little nauseous, looking confused, and thinking Uhh, maybe I’ll come back to this one later. Not only that, but the fact that I had arrogance enough for at least half a second to think that I could compile an adequate list of all the note-worthy differences between men and women is kind of charming, right? I mean sure, having embarrassing amounts of estrogen for all these years should have taught me a thing or two about us vagina-card carriers, and wouldn’t I be sweet to give helpful tips to the other gender, but if you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time you’ve probably already guessed that said tips would be less helpful and more STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE, FUCKER. Which. . .come to think of it, is something men need to know, and since I do know so much about the things men need to know I probably should write a post on that.

Other upcoming blog entries on topics I also know a lot about:

Feline HIV
Everything New Mothers Need to Know
Polygamy; it Teaches Sharing! 
How to Have a Happy Divorce
How to Tell if Your Kids Will Be Serial Killers
Life Without Shopping
Transgender and Dating

Please stay tuned.

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