Unless there is a big fat sign reading PUMPKIN SPICE in front of Starbucks, I’m not a frequent customer. But today, this day of all blessed holidays, the tribute to St. Valentine (not) I thought I would go to Starbucks and purchase a less than mediocre drink because surely they will have Valentine’s cups. You know, something obsecenely pink and red with hearts and silhouettes of little lovers kissing, and vague ethereal quotes about love. I’m not sure why exactly, I was convinced that Starbucks would have these cups (maybe because they prostitute every other celebration?!) but alas, this was my expectation. And WHY did I seek out this imagined cup? Because I thought it might cheer me right into the Valentine spirit. Yes, I am one of those people whom everyone loves to hate this time of year- I DON’T LIKE VALENTINE’S DAY. And since I know that everyone’s rebuttal goes something like “Oh, you hate Valentine’s day because it’s so commercialized? Well what about every other holiday?!”. Guess what. I hate Christmas too. And puppies!
I’m just kidding, I don’t hate puppies.
I’m not going to to go into why I don’t like Valentines day because no one cares. Heck, I barely care. I’m like oh, it’s Valentines day? Cool, I guess I’ll eat some chocolate. Wait, SO IT’S JUST ANOTHER DAY.
The point is I went to Starbucks to try and spread some cheer into my little Grinch-like heart and it was a FLOP. I’m not a complete lost cause though, I did wear my pink undies today.
-The Monster Queen
I'm keeping a running list of reasons you should move to Seattle.#27: we have cute Valentinesy Starbucks cups.