I’ve set out (am setting out) on a quest to not hate myself so much. The first step for me is to make a list of the things I like about myself, which already I hate the sound of. Here, listen to me tell you how awesome I am! Excuse me while I vomit in my mouth, right? I would love for it to not sound like those magazine features where they stop people on the street and ask them to name something they like about them self and you want to punch them in the face cringe every time someone says how much they loooove their long legs or their voluptuous chest they inherited from their mother because all I inherited from my mother was the ability to be taller than most men, so yeah, THANKS MOM but it would be nice to have a date once in awhile. However, if I too happen to like my freckles, please excuse yourself if you need to vomit.

1. I like my common sense. Or my intellect. Or my ability to read situations and adapt. Whatever you might call it, I’ve realized that not everyone has that and I’m grateful I do.

2. I like that I can and do stand up for myself. I’m grateful for the ability and desire to recognize the innate value in people as created beings (myself included). I am sorry that I can be intimidating, but I’m glad that I have the courage to speak up.

3. I love my desire to learn and to grow. Big brains are sexy. You know what else is sexy?

4. Manners!! (Oh, did I say this was a list of things I like about myself? I meant it’s a list of how sexy I am). I’m grateful that my grown-ups taught me to use manners because now I do and I love that they’re important to me. Manners are good, please make time for them. Thanks.

5. I like my sense of humor. I think satire is brilliant. Because I also think it’s okay to not take everything too seriously all the time. Plus laughing makes me feel good. I had an elementary school teacher once write in my year book that I had a wry sense of humor and now that I’m reflecting on it I’m not sure she meant it as a compliment but I think it’s rather fitting, and like most things, I’ve grown into it contentedly.

6. Which reminds me, I like my laugh! Some times it’s loud and embarrassing and I once had a boyfriend who would call it a cackle but fuck him, because my laugh is sincere and I LIKE IT. (I am sorry though, if you ever have to sit next to me in a theatre).

7. And you know what, I like my freckles. I remember when I would complain about them as a child my aunt would always tell me that I would grow out of them, and I don’t know if she intentionally lied to me or if it’s just odd that I didn’t grow out of them but I’m glad I didn’t.

All right, that’s about all the positive self talk I can take for now. I’m going to go reward myself with a brownie. And then probably hate myself for eating it.