Exhibit A:
I was in the break room at work and heard this on TV: “it turns out the marijuana problem may have a Mexican connection”.

Wait. So, what you’re saying is Mexico. Might have something. To do with drugs. In America. HOLY. SHIT. I wonder how long this has been going on. Why has no one looked into this before??  WE NEED TO SHUT DOWN THE BORDERS!! 

Oh Wait.
This. Is. Not. News.
 
Now, please go watch the movie Traffic.

 
Exhibit B:
Local news was interviewing residents about the recent intermittent snow storm and one gentleman had this to say about it: “it just snows, and then stops snowing, and then snows some more. I don’t know when to shovel and when to not shovel!” 

Which explains why he is so often seen wandering around with a snow shovel in the middle of summer.
 
Tip of the week: If there is snow on the ground, feel free to shovel it. If there is not snow on the ground, don’t shovel.

Aaaaaand you’re welcome.