This might make you uncomfortable. No really, maybe don’t read this.

For the last few weeks my apartment has been averaging about ONE BILLION DEGREES. Did I mention that it’s snowing outside and we keep all of the windows open 24/7? Yeah well, I’M GOING INSANE. It presents a major problem when trying to get dressed for work because I can’t show up a) in my swim suit, b) dressed like a prostitute, or c)naked, and do you know how difficult it is to keep clothes on while sweating?? (I’m going to answer this question and it’s going to get awkward) I WOKE UP WITH MY UNDIES PULLED DOWN TO MY KNEES THIS MORNING. That’s how difficult it is to keep clothes on while sweating; I’m taking my clothes off in my sleep. Believe me, it’s much more embarrassing than scandalous. Did I wet the bed? Did I have a naughty dream? (of course I would never do that) OR DID I JUST SWEAT SO MUCH IN MY SLEEP THAT MY SLUMBERING BODY HAD TO TAKE SERIOUS AND IMMEDIATE ACTION IN ORDER TO KEEP ME ALIVE? (Note to people who may be dying: I am not a professional life-saver, maybe keep your clothes on. Unless you’re sure you’re dying, in which case, screw it! Get naked!) When moving into our apartment we thought it was great that we didn’t have to pay for heat. Oh, but we do. We just didn’t know we were going to be paying in body fluids and humiliation.
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