I was walking down some concrete steps this morning, you know, just like I’ve been doing since I learned to walk some 24 years ago and on the very last step, SOMETHING HAPPENED. Not quite sure what it was, other than Satan reaching up from hell and grabbing a hold of my EFFING STILETTO, but I piled. It was like a car accident, where the two seconds before impact you know SHIT IS GONNA HAPPEN but those two seconds feel like two minutes and the whole time you’re thinking “this is going to hurt”. Yes, well, IT DID. And it’s okay if you think it’s funny, I do too. Mostly because I can see it playing out as if I were someone else watching, and I can only imagine what an on-looker would think seeing this idiot go down without even a semblance of a fight but the thing is, there was nothing to grab on to. I knew it was just a matter of accepting the fall and not breaking my face. So no joke, I just went down DIRECTLY ONTO MY KNEES (can you hear knees hitting concrete right now?) and one palm and then I stood up and stated quite audibly “ef. That hurt.” Now my knees resemble those of a five year old. And Seeing band aids on both my knees makes me laugh.
These are not those shoes.