An ER farewell

(If you came here to see George Clooney, I apologize, but unfortunately he isn’t here.)

I have spent the last nearly five years working in an emergency room. It has always been a great conversation piece, I love that pace of work, and I have had some of the funniest (and saddest) times there. Not to mention, the relationships you develop with people who understand what it’s like to be on this side of an emergency really can’t be beat.

All that to say, there are DEFINITELY some things that I will. not. miss

The sound, smell, and appearance of vomit

The sound of a drunk man’s head hitting the very solid floor
Urine that, based on resemblance, could be confused with mountain dew, mountain dew code red, or lager
Mean parents, offspring, and spouses (hey, control freaks! Your loved one is ill, chill the fuck out!)
Guys who give their girlfriends venereal disease and act like it must be in the water
People who have no shame and/or modesty. Even while pooping. Especially while pooping.
Homeless feet smell
Morbidly obese smell
Pediatric cancer patients, stroke victims, farmers with debilitating hand injuries, and all other things that have made me want to cry

Stinky transient couples who apparently came to the ER to make out

The constant and fairly legitimate fear that I will get excrement splattered on myself

All in all, it has been great. But yeah, it would have been better if George Clooney had shown up.

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