Hey body, the next time you decide to sleep past our alarm five hours, know that I WILL BE RECLAIMING THOSE HOURS. And with interest. Continue reading →

Saying that my haircut makes me look like a 10 year old, does not a compliment make.  No matter how much you smile while saying it.  I have half a mind to mention that, as with most back handed compliments I receive at work, I don’t really care. But then people might stop giving me … Continue reading →

So, I paint my nails about 3-4 times a week. It’s just this thing I do. Some people alphabetize their DVD collection, some people live with their parents until they’re 50, I paint my nails multiple times weekly. Part of the reason is that I hate having chipped polish, the other part is that the … Continue reading →

I’m gonna go ahead and be a cliché and talk about Academy Awards fashion. Because I can. However, since I hold no legal certification stating My Expertise Is Better Than Yours, I’ll keep it brief. (But you can be sure that when I get said certification I will be unstoppable). For starters. My love and affection for … Continue reading →

When I first put this outfit on I thought “True Grit! I need a hat!” but then after I calmed down a bit (because I don’t have the right hat, so what really is there to be excited about in life?) I thought “1940’s Depression era, I’m a sad and haggard wife because my husband … Continue reading →

This is a real ad that I saw on a real website.  At first I was understandably creeped out; I can only imagine what kind of men you would meet. But then I got to thinking about it and I guess this makes good sense. I mean. . . Find something you like about yourself and … Continue reading →

Saying that my skirt reminds you of Carrie Bradshaw = You can be my new best friend (this actually happened, I wouldn’t give tips on how to become my best friend*) And if you’re thinking that my skirt looks like an oil painting of upside down houses on a hillside, that would be crazy.  *buy … Continue reading →

Did I just offer to help a man take off his pants? ‘Cause that’s not what I meant. Continue reading →

If you know me you know there are certain things that I don’t like to talk about. If we’re good friends I mostly lose this filter, but basically there are things I don’t like to talk about in mixed company. Goings-on in the restroom being primary among those things. Call me prude, call me pretentious, … Continue reading →

In the break room at my work a poster of a horse recently went up. It says “The horse embodies the wings a person feels inside”. To which, my response was “HUH??”   But that totally explains why the last time I saw a horse I thought “oh my gosh!! The wings I feel inside!” … Continue reading →