(If you came here to see George Clooney, I apologize, but unfortunately he isn’t here.) I have spent the last nearly five years working in an emergency room. It has always been a great conversation piece, I love that pace of work, and I have had some of the funniest (and saddest) times there. Not … Continue reading →

What do venereal disease and the flu vaccine have in common?You can get both of them at Walmart, most health care facilities, and the back of a touring bus. So why do I not get a flu shot each year?BECAUSE IT’S CREEPY. Okay, that’s not the only reason but I’m not going to get into … Continue reading →

Because of all the times I’ve heard ambiguous, or even back handed, comments about my attire or sense of style, I’ve sincerely begun to wonder if some people would even be able to recognize a compliment if it included the words “I like”. And adversely, if they could recognize an insult of it came out of their … Continue reading →

When I first started this blog I would keep little notes on my phone of topics I wanted to write about. I pretty much forgot about those notes (turns out having too many posts drafted actually creates anxiety) but I recently rediscovered them and found one titled “Things Men Need to Know About Women”. I opened … Continue reading →

Had this conversation at work today: Co-worker: So when is your last day of work? Me: July 1st. Co-worker: That’s in July. * * *Oh, I have a new most favorite outfit? WEIRD. -The Monster Queen Continue reading →

I don’t know how many homes most people grow up in. Two? Three? Half a dozen? I can recall nine places that at one point in my youth I called “home”. And because most of those places don’t conjure up the warmest of memories, I’m adding an honorary tenth home. I was there often enough … Continue reading →

Obviously I’ve signed my mom up for taking my vacation outfit photos because what has this women ever done for me before? I mean, stretch marks and five hours of hard labor? PA-LEEZ. However, this genius had the camera set to video instead, so now I have a dozen videos of myself trying to look … Continue reading →

I decided to take a page from B. Jones’ book and prepare entire outfits for each day of my vacation. Which, on the one hand seems super efficient and thus, something I would totally dig. But on the other hand, my daily attire is typically assembled each morning (read: late afternoon) by playing Yanni’s Greatest … Continue reading →

Favorite part of being single: determining that a guy is a douche approximately 7.5 seconds into conversation. Me: “So do you like it here?” Him: “I miss Phoenix. There is this one area of town where there are like, 13 bars and clubs all lined up on one strip. It’s really nice.” Aaaaand I’m gonna … Continue reading →

With: Harem pants. I didn’t think it would ever happen for me but. . .it did and now I’m all “Oh you can’t tell where my crotch is in these pants? TOUGH”. Jump suits and things reminiscent of the 90s (okay, I’m always obsessed with things reminiscent of the 90s). Is it costume-y? Is it sequin-y? … Continue reading →